August 29, 2021

Hello everyone,

Thank you Alexandra for sharing the details for next month's meeting! Sara will be hosting the return of BOSLady on Cannon's roof deck on September 9th at 5:30pm EST. The book of the month is You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero. Sara also recommends You Are A Badass Every Day for something more bite-size. I'll be joining in via Zoom call from California but I am OVERJOYED that BOSLady is back in business.

Before I go into the Weekly Three, I wanted to share something from my therapist on a topic that we've discussed at length as a group. My therapist asked me about my self care practice and, as usual, I scoffed and ticked off the things I do: spend time outside, exercise, spend time with friends, talk to family, spend time making art, keep my house clean. "It's ironic because you have to have the energy to practice self care but if you don't practice self care, you won't have the energy".

My therapist kept a neutral expression and tone (we've only had one session but I can already tell that she is a master at this) and asked "Do you feel like those are all things that you have to do? Like they're all things on a to-do list?"

Yes, those are the things that I have to do, that I'm supposed to, all the things I should be doing to take care of myself, to be fully functional and healthy, to look and feel together.

"Self care isn't supposed to feel like something you have to do. It shouldn't take energy away, it shouldn't drain you. It should be restful".

How did I not realize that before? 30 years in and I didn't realize that there's a difference between what I know I'll feel good about doing once it's done and what will feel good while I'm doing it. Is there anything like that in your life?

The Weekly Three

1. Something about things that make us feel good (or don't): Loosely related to the therapy breakthrough I just described, I was thinking a lot about Type-Two Fun while I was on a seven hour hike in Yosemite this past week. Is harmonious passion the same as flow?

2. Something from The Oatmeal about taking compliments: Why it breaks your brain to take a compliment

3.Something about tragic optimism vs. toxic positivity: from The Atlantic

"Refusing to look at life’s darkness and avoiding uncomfortable experiences can be detrimental to mental health. This “toxic positivity” is ultimately a denial of reality. Telling someone to “stay positive” in the middle of a global crisis is missing out on an opportunity for growth, not to mention likely to backfire and only make them feel worse...Tragic optimism involves the search for meaning amid the inevitable tragedies of human existence, something far more practical and realistic during these trying times."

Looking forward to seeing everyone at the IES Awards Gala on Thursday!

Thank you for taking the time to read,

Amber