January 11, 2021

Happy New Year,

And what a start it has been. We have plenty to talk about tomorrow night during our first meeting of 2021. You should have all received the Google Calendar invite for Tuesday, January 12th at 5:30pm PST/8:30PM EST. It is my sincerest hope that by the end of the year, the Bostonians will all be meeting in person again. For now, the Zoom link is below and a cartoon that keeps it real.

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82166210268?pwd=S0gxVVorRG01ZFhTNHhKcndNdm8wZz09 Meeting ID: 821 6621 0268 Passcode: 568755

The Weekly Three

1. Something about Burnout for Tuesday night: This was one of the most important books I read in 2020, if not the most. I know that sometimes I don't even read our book of the month and that this letter doesn't always get read, but the lessons from the Nagoski sisters are significant enough to me that I want to give you the condensed version here.

Burnout consists of:

1. Emotional exhaustion - fatigue that comes from caring too much, for too long

2. Depersonalization - the depletion of empathy, caring and compassion

3. Decreased sense of accomplishment - an unconquerable sense of futility, feeling that nothing you do makes any difference

Of these, emotional exhaustion is the most damaging Emotional exhaustion is when you get stuck in an emotion. This happens for plenty of reasons:

• from being constantly exposed to situations that activate that emotion

• The emotion is too difficult to handle on your own and you need outside help to deal with it

• We’re trapped in a place where we can’t move. Most women are here because of Human Giver Syndrome

Human Giver Syndrome requires you to give your humanity to others, as opposed to being or expressing your humanity. Givers can’t ask for or need anything, as that would inconvenience others. Emotions could inconvenience others so Givers don’t express them, ending up stuck in them The book is split into three sections. The first teaches us about our internal resources against burnout. The second teaches us about the environment in which we are fighting against burnout, that requires us to be givers. The third gives us concrete, specific tools we can use everyday to win. Internal Resources: the stress response cycle (removing a stressor does not remove the stress from your body. You have to do something to signal to your body that the stressor is gone, ie exercise, deep breathing, social connection), the brain mechanism that controls the emotion of frustration (reframing can reduce frustration), having meaning The Real Enemy: the patriarchy rigs the game. We have to acknowledge this How to Win the War (against burnout, Human Giver Syndrome, and the patriarchy that fuels both): connection, rest and self compassion The past three Love Notes have gone into identifying our madwoman (the internal voicing of what we “should” be and do), learned helplessness (knowing that the game is rigged helps you feel better right away), and stressors vs. stress and how to complete the stress cycle.

2. Something about the Equity, Diversity and Inclusion Network's club On the Same Page: The EDI Network will have its first meeting on January 22nd from 12-1pm EST to discuss the documentary 13th, available on Netflix. The deadline to register is January 15th. Thank you Alexandra for sharing

3. Something about Now What?!: Another share from Alexandra, Now What?! is the first exhibition to examine the little-known history of architects and designers working to further the causes of the civil rights, women’s, and LGBTQ movements of the past fifty years.

I recommend the most recent article about Designing for Diversity with the author Kathryn H. Anthony. February read?

Thank you for your time and I look forward to seeing you on Tuesday,

Amber